Street Style

As you may already be aware, life is hard. Times are tough and there is nothing tougher than going out to a nightclub scenario, where something moderately annoying could happen at any time:

…

1. $8.50 for a gin & tonic and you have the SHEER AUDACITY to give me a bastard-cut piece of lemon instead of a wedge of lime? We’re not in Reykjavik mate.

2. You’re standing at the bar and it’s just you and some teenage hipster girls in hooded leather jackets. Suddenly it smells a bit like poo indicating that someone has farted. It wasn’t you but this girl is staring at you as if to suggest it was, when you know that her and her friends have shelved dingbats and it was almost certainly one of them making things smell pretty terrible. Note to people shelving dingbats: don’t listen to your co-shelving friends when they go “nah you’re just paranoid, no-one can smell anything”.  

3. Semi-relating to the previous point, the term “drug fuelled” and using it to describe how wicked your club night is. Someone recently pointed out that more often than not it’s just an inadvertent euphemism for “an 18 year girl shits herself on the dancefloor and a dude gets kicked out for vomiting on his own shoes”.

4. A bunch of heaps blokey ladsy jocks (the same dudes that call you a “poofta” for wearing skinny jeans) rocking up to the bar and all ordering Cocksucking Cowboys. Seriously you petals, get a choc milk at the convenience store down the road instead of tying up the inept bar staff for 5mins while they struggle with layering varying types of liquid sugar.

5. DJs that think they’re in the running to record the next FabricLive but realistically couldn’t mix a Fire Engine… Just because 2manyDJs did Royksopp with Dolly Parton doesn’t give you an automatic license to poorly mix Tone Loc with the Doors for 3 minutes. It’s less of a trainwreck and more of a horserace. Please take a second to think about what you believe in 

6. DJs on at 9pm who feel the urge to batter the 7 people in the room with poundingly shit fidget house whilst the bar staff are still setting up.

7. Actually just DJs in general.

8. I’m not even going to go into the issue of laptops in the club.

9. Annoying punters who have a shit night out and then bitchingly dissect it on the internet when they get home.